The key to truly loving yourself no matter what has been, what is, or what you think will be
This morning started out a morning like any other in the summer; warm and humid, dusty and filled with dog-care. Sat down the garden in my dog walking clothes, feeling a bit hot under the collar, I couldn't focus.
I wanted to journal and nothing came forward. I wanted to do a class and couldn't concentrate. So I sat still, asked myself what I needed and then listened to the answer.
It wasn't what I expected. Emma, you're too hot and you need a shower. Go put something a dress on and keep cool.
Lately, I have been hearing my inner voice, aka Intuition, REALLY loudly. I will ask a question or have a general wondering go through my mind and POW - she's there with an answer. Sometimes a smart arse kind of answer but mostly absolutely what is needed or true in that moment.
It has taken me a long time to get to this place, of knowing what I need and loving myself enough to honour whatever comes up.
If I may, I'd like to share with you some things that helped me and an huge epiphany I had whilst studying Intuitive Coaching with Caroline Britton.
One of her questions was - "What fear do you have around becoming emotionally healthy?"
That question stopped me in my tracks.
I had always been of the school of thought that says - just dissolve all the blocks and self love with magically appear.
Fear of being emotionally healthy immediately raised its head as the block beneath the blocks.
In order to love yourself unapologetically, it's my belief that you need to get everything out on the table first as to why you currently don't.
All the ways you're ashamed of yourself, angry with yourself, afraid of getting hurt if you open up, all the things you can't forgive yourself for.
Be really honest with yourself about all of those things and you start to see why you have deprived yourself of love all this time. Work through those false beliefs and you can get a lot closer to self love.
But what if there is a deeper truth, a silent saboteur that sits like a chasm between you and the self love you crave?
The great gaping chasm of fear. Fear of being emotionally healthy.
Ask yourself that question now, and see what comes up? There will be something if you sit long enough, even if you think you've "healed" everything.
There is always a trade off or two on the journey to releasing a limiting belief. They were there to serve us otherwise we wouldn't hold onto them.
So what are you afraid will happen if you totally and completely heal all your wounds and love yourself unapologetically?
Resoundingly, the response I had ( and I suspect others may too ) is that I will be rejected in some way.
If I love myself completely, people are going to think I'm arrogant.
If I love myself unapologetically that will trigger others.
If I love myself without restraint, does that mean I'm a narcissist and only out for myself?
If I become emotionally healthy then I will have nowhere to hide, and no excuse for not doing the things I say I want to do, therefore if I fail it's all on me AND it's visible as hell to everyone who knows about it.
Phew! Talk about great expectations!
This is also where the slightly harder work comes in, because fear of rejection is a survival mechanism. If we get kicked out of the tribe we could die, according to our brain.
Fear of failure is also a biggie because of the perceived outcome of being shamed that stems from it.
The above really are just limiting beliefs, but when are caught up in the throes of self flagellation or holding ourselves back, we don't see that. It feels real, because it's our brains primal job.
The utterly fabulous news is that the little tool called EFT that I prattle on about ALL. THE. TIME is one of the only things I have found that can ease, alleviate and completely dissolve this fear underneath all fears because it works with the Nervous System itself.
But because this fear normally resides in our subconscious, we have to make it conscious first.
Then we can move on to all the other things above and tap on those too.
Once you have asked, answered and tapped on all those questions and answers (shout up if you need any help with that, I have a ton of resources) you can get to work CREATING unapologetic self love.
You can CHOOSE to show yourself compassion in stead of self shaming or criticism.
You can CHOOSE to stop focusing on the opinion of others and focus on how much of a good person you know you are and cultivate that feeling.
You can CHOOSE to share more of yourself and be open to receive. This one was particularly stubborn for me because of the fear underneath the fear. But being open to receive love is so beautiful.
Unapologetic self love comes, I believe, from lovingly releasing every reason, thought, belief or pattern that tells you otherwise and then just like a muscle, building it consistently and with great care until you can genuinely look yourself in the mirror and say "I bloody love you I do!"
Until next time, much love,
Categories: Emotional Health